Law student, former professors story: Defendant busted for possession of narcotics, they were in the pocket of his leather jacket. I have given you everything we can. Me: “You know, I’ve known about you and your exploits for like five years or so now, but I have one major question.”, Me: “Have you ever given any serious thought to doing something positive with your life?”, Me: “Dude, you’ve been doing it for over five years. Just a few days after sentencing, however, the woman was back in the courtroom, seeking an exception because the ankle monitor was kind of “ruining her vibe” at the strip club. I can no longer help you. My patience has finally worn out, so I just say, “There is nothing I can do with that letter. Funny moments in the court room enjoy!! Another came to me claiming the jail was violating his Constitutional rights by serving bologna sandwiches for lunch.” Here are the unluckiest criminals we’ve ever seen. I became very familiar with the young man well before I ever met him. When I do, the judge scratches his left inside wrist and then his right inside wrist, our code for “get ready to arrest.” The judge calls the kid up, and I have him stand almost behind the court reporter’s bench, so I can cut him off if he tries bolting on foot. The only other thing I can do is just give her a copy — which has no “value” or use at all, short of reading what’s on it — and besides, she would have already gotten a copy by letter when the verdict came out, so I cannot imagine it’ll help. That shouldn’t be a problem, Funk thought, but still had to ask if the long-ago job would in any way impact her ability to be impartial with Funk representing the firm. “My client had stuck a joint in my up-do,” she realized. Because he wanted to know exactly when he would die and how… as if the expert were a psychic and not an actuary. Another time, she received an urgent message from a prisoner at Rikers. Family law attorney, Russell Knight, still chuckles over this story of a woman who wanted help in proving who was the father of her child. Lawyer: “The defendant would like to present a signed affidavit.”. Our courthouse is in the middle of the city and is several storeys high. Southern Law Joke. “Do you know any of his relatives,” Knight asked her. ... Court's Disorder Chinese Detective Chinese Wisdom Culture and meaning Definition of Politics Susan Boyle. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed. Only in America! I wish you a very happy day. She covers life and style, popular culture, law, religion, health, fitness, yoga, entertaining and entertainment. .. 16, 2016. Funny Court Stories These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Even of an old, sweet lady many would be happy to call grandma. Lauren Cahn is a New York-based writer whose work has appeared regularly on Reader's Digest, The Huffington Post, and a variety of other publications since 2008. Bye!” I even make a point to wave goodbye and just go sit at my computer and begin working on something else. My mother is a prosecutor working for the UK Crime & Prosecution service. Nothing but the truth. Attorney David Reischer, founder of LegalAdvice.com once had a client who was not into wearing business clothing. Court's Disorder. So Frekhtman called in an actuarial expert. Enjoy the BEST stories, advice & jokes! And this signature is definitely, “My client would like to change his plea to guilty. In August last year an American advertising executive is sued her boss for £3.9million … The only problem? The defendant was tried again six months later. According to the thermal strip, the liquid is close to 106 degrees F. As an EMT, I know that this would usually be a fatal body temperature, or at the absolute easiest, the person would be so feverish that they would not be able to hold their legs beneath them to stand. My other colleague is full of questions, but of course, he won’t answer them because he isn’t supposed to discuss the case. funny court reports, funny court stories, funny trials, hilarious cases, hilarious court reports, hilarious court stories, hilarious trials; Follow. While it may be true that there were some activities she could no longer perform, a private investigator unearthed a treasure trove of professional adult films the woman had shot since the accident, proving there’s performing, and then there’s performing, and this woman was performing just fine, apparently. I take him into custody, glove up and take hold of the device he left sitting on the reporter’s bench, and take him to jail. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. So this week, we’d like to ask you: What are your funniest and weirdest stories … Voir dire, the process of jury selection, isn’t always “funny,” but here’s an exception. Modern development has built up around the court, so that from levels four up, the back of the court overlooks and looks into a flashy five-star hotel. He knew that such kits usually come back under temp, so he had it suspended in a half cup of coffee until he finally took it out and strapped it to his leg before entering the courtroom. . Juror, dismissed. For him to drive so well he could evade multiple-car pursuits at high speed, on winding, poorly-maintained dirt roads, surely he’d be no match for an oval circuit. All he asked was whether or not the donor had been smoking weed lately, not even thinking to ask about any other drugs. Funny Judges Jokes. I try suggesting she come back with a translator, but of course, she doesn’t seem to understand that, either. I try my best to show her examples and work around the language barrier, but she doesn’t get any of it. We've all sung this song hundreds of times during our lives, but did you know that it is not in the public domain?… The defendant and the lawyer have a quick chat. Not only have I frequently entered new warrants for his arrest in the state system, but I also have the frequent occasion to be the dispatcher answering radio calls from pursuits he’s lead, and frequently evaded, our officers on. Hopefully, the story had a happy “ending.”. And this signature is definitely not your own blood. But there’s no such thing; it’s about something completely unrelated. Jonathan Rosenfeld, founder of Rosenfeld Injury Lawyers, tells Reader’s Digest, “I get a ridiculous amount of correspondence from people wanting to sue their exes for allegedly giving them STDs.” Oh? The Supreme Court, like any other court in the land, hears more than one case per day. Mostly, they need a version of the official verdict that they can take with them — the original always stays in the archives — e.g. He was not well liked … So, I read it in the hopes that there are instructions in it and that they are asking for her to bring a certain document, which I can then provide. And since the justices are human beings just like us, they can't help but call it out when they see it. Imagine how everyone was obliged to remain calm and orderly during the exchange. . One day, a little old lady shuffles into our office, and when I ask what I can help her with, she pushes forward an envelope and says, “Letter.” She has an obvious accent, but that’s nothing new, and usually, I can work around the fact that people might not speak Dutch very well. Find out the dumbest laws in every state. Black, has had some pretty out-there exchanges with her criminal defense clients as well. COURT STENOGRAPHERS. Party on, Garth. On this particular occasion, the person on trial is a “Freeman-On-The-Land,” a person who claims that no English law save “common law” is valid. Turned out, the child was the result of a one-night stand. — ALMIGHTY GOD. The taxi driver will have a fun story to tell his family after his shift! I s*** you not, the kid rolls his eyes, reaches into his pants, yanks pretty hard a couple of times, and brings out a male-appendage-shaped apparatus that has a small bladder attached with a locking mechanism keeping the fluid from leaking out. It is a sad fact of our justice system that most of our modern courts have been … So I took the spot the dumpster should have taken.”. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. “My wife and I are trying to have a baby, and she’s ovulating right now.” What could be said beyond, “Thank you for sharing”? I even offered to put in a word for a local racing team, whose owner I knew. Attorney: Are you sexually active? His Explanation to the Judge was Golden. What is even weirder are the results. “I was working in criminal law and had a case where a man had set up cameras to watch women go to the bathroom,” he tells Reader’s Digest, “and oh, by the way, what he really liked was to watch them making… Number 2.” The D.A. I have a colleague who was selected for jury service. The juror who’d breached protocol had charges brought against him. Why? On the horrible dirt roads we have in this county, you still drive ’em like you’re Dale Earnhardt. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. He’s presenting evidence that follows the strange rules of the FOTL. ALL STAR COMEDIAN SHAWN CLOWNS ON FOX'S CRISTINA'S COURT...A MUST SEE!! One day, I am assisting in a settlement conference, and the judge and I are sitting at opposite ends of a long table, with the parties down either side. Colleague: “The verdict will be tomorrow, and then I’ll be free to discuss everything and answer all your questions.”. I hope life brings you much success. Another man stood before Judge Caprio defending himself for having parked in a handicapped spot, despite not having a sticker or a visible handicap. Sheryl A. Sanford, a partner at Black Marjieh & Sanford LLP, has done quite a bit of criminal defense, which has led to some rather funny scenarios. One of the other jurors had been shopping in town that evening, saw the defendant, and in spite of being told not to discuss the case, decided to discuss the case with him, in full view of everyone in the shop! David Rae (1724-1804) chose to be called Lord Eskgrove. He declared a mistrial, held both the defendant and juror in contempt, and explained that now there would have to be a new trial with a new jury. This means that it does happen, however rarely, that the justices are forced to preside over bullshit. Find out the 38 dumbest criminals of all time. Lawyer: “My client would like to change his plea to guilty. I raise a shaky hand to the hotel across the way, which does not have frosted or tinted windows, and the very large, naked man doing Zumba. “Because a dumpster parked in that spot. “I always ask the jury pool if they know of my law firm,” explains Adam Funk, a partner at the Potts Law Firm. But when he was on his way out, he saw someone choking and felt obliged to administer the Heimlich maneuver. The excerpts from funny court reports might sound like they were taken from a madcap movie script, but they're all things folks have actually heard during a trial. ! “I was defending a woman on criminal charges, trying hard to convince the judge to sympathize with her, when the woman went to pour herself a glass of water from the pitcher on the defense table,” Rice tells us. Lauren is also an author of crime fiction; her first full-length manuscript, The Trust Game, was short-listed for the 2017 CLUE Award for emerging talent in the genre of suspense fiction. I get a second opinion from several coworkers — even though they work at totally different services and don’t know as much about our documents — just to see if they can understand. Andy Simmons Updated: Apr. The surgeon grafted skin from George’s chest onto his hand… except George had a hairy chest…so now he had a hairy hand as well. When Arkady Frekhtman, founding partner of Frekhtman & Associates, had a personal injury case involving an injured young man, winning a big judgment hinged on the young man having a life expectancy of 87. Motion denied.”. We're … I can see the letter she’s given me is from an insurance company, but she is unable to answer any of my questions so I don’t know how I can help her. I try to say as clearly as I can that I have given her every document she could possibly get from us, and I can do nothing else. Questions asked in a courtroom can be very revealing... especially in the South. On his first day of the trial, he is in court most of the day, coming into work in the late afternoon for a few hours. a verdict wherein the judge says that their insurance does have to pay them, which they can then use to take steps to receive this payment. “I was defending a criminal client on a drug charge,” she tells Reader’s Digest, “and I smelled pot in the courtroom.” Weirded out, she kept looking around trying to determine where it was coming from. On the way to the jail, I turn to him. I still maintain that he would have made one h*** of a racecar driver. In front of the windows. He decides we should have a break and when the lawyers have cleared, he asks what happened. Attorney Allison Margolin, partner at Margolin Lawrence, has her own rather amusing drug-related story, only her is from the other side of the bench. Nevertheless, the guy insisted on making the claim, and the day of the trial, he came to court dressed in dirty work clothes and testified he worked as a landscaper and barely made ends meet mowing lawns for a living. provided Ozols and his team with videos, which went to an intern to review. I will tell the jail staff that charges are pending, but he is to be held on PC of probation violation. “This one guy thought the Department of Corrections was trying to turn him into a cyborg. In his wisdom he decided that he would represent himself in court. At this point, I’m lost. My very first job after graduating is at an office within a courthouse where people can get their official documents pertaining to their lawsuit or verdict. In response, Judge Aquilina offered a veritable Solomon-esque solution: “Bedazzle that thing to match your outfits. Nope. Now, we’re talking about a kid, about seventeen or eighteen, and I know his drug of choice is weed. She does not move and just repeats, “Letter,” every once in a while. Judge Caprio recalls the time a woman argued against a parking ticket she’d received for parking in what had clearly been marked a loading zone. I really enjoyed these cute stories. The lawyer, who was the husband of the defendant’s ex-wife, was also the former governor of Rhode Island. Don’t miss the weird laws you probably break all the time. Often, our court is so busy, it is just him and me in the courtroom for staff. Source: Reddit (Credit: DCaplinger, Original Story). “Well, I know your boss, and he’s a real jerk,” the woman said sweetly. We recommend our users to update the browser. He pulls out what appears to be a normal male appendage and starts to free urine into the cup. But it soon becomes very clear she only knows this one word: “Letter.”. It amounted to quite a big scam. I decide to make her the most common document mostly used for insurance cases and she seems happy with it, so I think that’s that. I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. In 1999, Daniel Dukes tragically died while trying to achieve his lifelong … “So why not park legally this time?” the judge asked. More legal hilarity comes from Frank Caprio, Providence’s Chief Municipal Judge in Rhode Island and now the star of Caught in Providence, who, “judging” by the stories he recently shared with Reader’s Digest, has clearly has heard everything. Something isn’t right. The temperature of the fluid is not body temperature, at least not a normal one. She even looked in her own purse to see if her client had used her as a “mule.” No dice… until Margolin got home and took down her hair. Lid fell off… sending water everywhere. ” at least the judge asked he pulls what... Hi Olivia, glad you enjoyed the laughs out when they see it a hand.... Sued the surgeon and was awarded “ the defendant would like to change plea... Clarification, he falls into the same routine: court in the past, man! 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